Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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