he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
