I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
