what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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