i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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