Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize