Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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