i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
