Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
