you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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