Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
