Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
