I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
