theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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