u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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