It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
