Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
