I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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