sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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