this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Did I show you my penis last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
