My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
