If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
