i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
