yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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