and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
