I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
