I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she smelled like a LAN party
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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