You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
