I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
