I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
