People with herpes should wear stickers.
this boner is exhausting
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize