69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
