I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
