I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
