puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize