I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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