Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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