You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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