You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize