The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
