Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Your cock deserves a montage
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
