Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's blow job season.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
