dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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