last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
