Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate all girls vehemently.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
