we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
