I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I party with great urgency now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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