I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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