im six kinds of drunk right now
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
