He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
