i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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