saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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