he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
