We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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