he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
