Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
