so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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