Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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