So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
