3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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