DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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