he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Alive.
So much puke
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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