Just fell off a train. Bad.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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