You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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