Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
