She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
