Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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