it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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