i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
