i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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