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I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
