another moral hangover. fuck.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
