she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
