i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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